If you are reading this now as someone who is new to the world of BDSM, you may have some preconceived notions about BDSM from various media outlets. Perhaps you have heard of the book and movie “50 Shades of Grey” and its presentation of an alarming interaction between a vulnerable female and an exploitative male. You are shown a scenario where the male lead targets and lures the victim with his vast wealth to essentially buy the victim’s affections in order to convince her to agree to a nondisclosure agreement and lifestyle dom/sub contract. This may give you a bad taste in your mouth, and this is a prime example of how NOT to start your exploration of BDSM.
If you are new to BDSM, do not consider agreeing to a binding lifestyle contract with someone you just met; the keyword is “trust.”
Engagement in BDSM via curiosity based role-play scenarios or the more serious continuous arrangements should be with partner(s) you trust with your well being and are comfortable with to explore acts revolving around restraint, control, and/or pain. All parties involved have the right to stop any interaction going on for whatever reason, classically with “safe words,” and ignoring a request to stop is abusive; consent is king. If you feel like you are being coerced into doing something you are not in the right state of mind to do, then this should be a red flag for you to not engage in said activity. Be aware of where you and your partner(s) are at as you venture forth, in order to prevent undesired physical and/or psychological trauma.
Perhaps the most important word in BDSM is “discipline,” starting with discipline of self, for both you and the well being of your partner(s).
If you and your partner(s) are both mature and respectful of each other, you will be leagues ahead of the typical toxic relationship, where partners conceal and abuse each other until the relationship implodes. On the other hand, if you are using BDSM as a cover to take out your own issues out on your partner, please take a step back and reevaluate your motives. Open communication and honesty with yourself and your partner(s) are critical in these interactions, as you and your partner(s) explore alternative ways to engage with one another. If conducted properly, you will be on a journey of mutual discovery of self and your partner(s), opening up a realm of possibilities encircled by consent and trust.
~ Content Writer for Reckless Leather ~